I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. To be honest, it feels strange to even type those words out loud.

When the full-scale Russian invasion of Ukraine began, my mental health completely collapsed. I hit what I now know was the lowest point of my life. I weighed around 140kg, I was severely depressed, constantly anxious, and felt like I was drowning.

Doctors put me on SSRI antidepressants, but they didn’t help. The side effects were there, but the relief wasn’t. I felt broken. But somewhere deep inside, my stubborn problem-solving brain was still alive, whispering: “Don’t give up. Keep looking.”

And then I found it.

I realized I might have ADHD. I got diagnosed, started treatment, and slowly, things began to shift. For the first time in years, I felt some light breaking through the fog. I lost weight, I had energy again, and — most importantly — I rediscovered my will to live. I started going back to the gym, taking care of myself, and reconnecting with life.

Learning About ADHD

When I was diagnosed, my psychologist told me something simple: “Educate yourself.”

So I did. And the overwhelming feeling I had was: Why didn’t I do this earlier? Why did I wait until I hit rock bottom?

I realized something important: when life is good, ADHD doesn’t feel like a problem. But when things spiral downward, ADHD makes the fall so much harder. My brain felt like a sports car without brakes — fast, exciting, but once it veers off course, there’s not much you can do to stop it.

So why didn’t I get diagnosed before?
The answer is both simple and sad: stigma.

Society can be cruel. If it weren’t, maybe all neurotypes could coexist peacefully, without needing to medicalize everything and label certain brains as “disorders.”

Even the name itself — ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) — never really fit me. I don’t lack attention, and I’m not hyperactive. If anything, my attention is too intense, just not always in the “right” direction.

I honestly think a better name would be Self-Regulation Disorder (SRD). Because that’s what it feels like: all or nothing. I’ll either sleep all day or not at all. I’ll either exercise obsessively or completely stop. I’ll either eat everything in the fridge or forget to eat for hours. I’ll either work until I burn myself out or procrastinate until the deadline is breathing down my neck. Even with hobbies, I’ll hyperfixate on something for weeks — reading every article, watching every video, buying all the gear — and then suddenly drop it, never to touch it again. There’s rarely a healthy middle ground, and that imbalance touches every corner of life.

How ADHD Shapes My Life

I want to share a list of ADHD traits and how they affect me personally. Maybe this will help someone who’s struggling silently, or maybe it will spread a little awareness and compassion.

Executive Dysfunction

Executive function is what helps us plan, organize, prioritize, and make decisions. Without it, even simple tasks can feel like climbing a mountain. I’ve forgotten to eat because I got lost in a task, and I’ve abandoned projects halfway because the steps to finish them felt overwhelming.

Low Motivation

It’s not laziness — it’s neurochemistry. My brain struggles with dopamine, the neurotransmitter tied to motivation and reward. Starting tasks can feel impossible, even when I want to do them. And finishing them? Sometimes the sense of accomplishment never even arrives.

ADHD Paralysis

Sometimes my brain just… freezes. Too many choices, too much stimulation, and suddenly I can’t move, decide, or act. On the outside it looks like laziness, but inside it feels like going 1000km/h but outside I’m frozen.

Time Blindness

I live in a world where time is slippery. I either think something will take 5 minutes when it really takes 2 hours, or I blink and half the day disappears. Being late, missing deadlines, or forgetting plans — it’s not carelessness. It’s the way my brain perceives (or fails to perceive) time.
On the flip side, if I have an important meeting at 2-3pm, I won’t be able to do anything before, even relax. I will be thinking about the meeting or forget about it completely. Half of the day wasted.

Sleep Problems

Falling asleep can feel like trying to quiet a stadium full of thoughts. Nights are restless, mornings are brutal, and the exhaustion only makes every other ADHD symptom worse. Also you are living in the Memento movie — when you decide to change your life, sort something out in your head, and then start all over the next morning.

Working Memory Issues

My brain often feels like a browser with 200 tabs open — but half of them keep crashing. I’ll walk into a room and forget why I went there. I’ll lose track of conversations mid-sentence. Sometimes I even forget the very insight I just had. It’s not that I don’t care or I’m not paying attention — it’s that my short-term memory buffer empties way too fast.

Emotional Dysregulation

My emotions can be overwhelming — like a storm rolling in out of nowhere. Anger, sadness, excitement — they can all hit hard and fast. A tiny setback can feel like the end of the world, while joy can feel euphoric. It’s intense living in a brain that amplifies everything. Missing brain breaks, can’t stop thoughts. Funny enough stimulants make me calmer. Because with ADHD the prefrontal cortex is underworking, and ADHD meds or coffee stimulate it — so I actually feel calmer, not more wired.

Rejection Sensitivity (RSD)

One of the hardest parts of ADHD is how deeply I feel rejection, even tiny ones. A short reply, a joke that sounds off, or a bit of criticism can hit me like a sledgehammer. Sometimes I replay the moment for hours or even days, spiraling into shame. It doesn’t matter if the other person didn’t mean anything by it — my brain amplifies it until it feels unbearable.

Hypersensitivity

I feel things deeply. Sometimes it’s beautiful — like music or art hitting me in the soul. But other times, it’s exhausting. A harsh word, a flicker of criticism, even a passing comment can feel like a punch to the chest. Like a cruel joke: I crave stimulation and get overstimulated very fast.

Low Self-Esteem

ADHD doesn’t directly cause low self-esteem, but the world we live in certainly doesn’t help. Years of being misunderstood, judged, or told I wasn’t “trying hard enough” left scars. It’s easy to internalize failure and believe you’re broken.

Impulsivity

ADHD often comes with a tendency to act before thinking. For me, this means blurting things out in conversations, buying something I absolutely need in the moment but later forget about, or making big life decisions on a sudden wave of emotion. Sometimes it leads to fun adventures, but other times it leaves me cleaning up a mess I didn’t see coming.

Sensory Seeking & Restlessness

I crave stimulation constantly. That might mean playing music too loud, tapping my leg without even noticing, or suddenly needing to go for a walk in the middle of the night. My brain feels like it always wants more: more sound, more movement, more energy. And the cruel joke is that I also get overstimulated really easily — so I swing between craving and crashing.

Hyperfocus

And then there’s hyperfocus — the double-edged sword of my ADHD brain. When it kicks in, it feels like unlocking a superpower. I can dive into coding, writing, or learning something new and completely lose myself for hours, even days. The downside is that everything else disappears: meals, sleep, texts from loved ones. I once spent an entire weekend rebuilding a piece of software without realizing I hadn’t left my chair except to grab water. Hyperfocus gives me some of my best work, but it also makes life around me blur out, which can be both thrilling and dangerous.

Social Justice

One thing I’ve noticed about myself — and I’ve heard it’s common with ADHD brains — is a deep, almost visceral sense of justice. I can’t stand watching someone being treated unfairly, and I often end up speaking up even when it costs me. In workplaces, in friendships, even in random conversations with strangers, I feel a pull to defend the underdog. Sometimes it gets me into trouble, because I can be blunt or intense, but I’d rather carry that than sit silently while someone else suffers. And yeah — you won’t hear “I just follow the orders” from me. I like to think for myself.

Egalitarian Behaviour

Along with that sense of justice comes a strong belief in equality. I don’t naturally “see” hierarchies the way some people do — boss, manager, worker, CEO — it all feels artificial to me. I’ll talk to everyone the same way, whether they’re serving me coffee or running a company. I value people for who they are, not what title they hold. That makes me allergic to arrogance and authority-for-authority’s-sake. I believe in horizontal, fair relationships, and I think that’s part of why neurodivergence stigma hits me so hard: it feels like society insisting some people’s way of thinking is “less.”

Conclusion

Living with ADHD is complicated. Sometimes it feels like a superpower, and other times it feels like a curse. But one thing I’ve learned is this: the earlier we talk about it, the earlier we recognize it, the earlier we stop shaming it — the better.

To anyone out there silently struggling: you’re not broken, you’re not lazy, you’re not a failure. Your brain just works differently. And different is not less.

“You better check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.”
(Ice Cube knew what he was talking about.)