I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It feels strange to type those words.
When the Russian invasion of Ukraine began, my mental health completely collapsed. I hit the lowest point of my life. I weighed around 140kg, severely depressed, constantly anxious, drowning.
Doctors prescribed SSRIs, but they didn’t help. Side effects without relief. I felt broken. But somewhere deep inside, my stubborn problem-solving brain whispered: Don’t give up. Keep looking.
Then I realised I might have ADHD. Got diagnosed, started treatment, and slowly things shifted. For the first time in years, light broke through the fog. I lost weight, had energy again, and — most importantly — rediscovered my will to live.
Why I Waited Until Rock Bottom
My psychologist said: Educate yourself. So I did. The overwhelming feeling was: Why didn’t I do this earlier?
When life is good, ADHD doesn’t feel like a problem. But when things spiral downward, ADHD makes the fall so much harder. My brain felt like a sports car without brakes — fast, exciting, but once it veers off course, there’s no stopping.
The answer is simple and sad: stigma.
Society can be cruel. Even the name — ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) — never fit me. I don’t lack attention, I’m not hyperactive. My attention is too intense, just not always in the “right” direction.
A better name would be Self-Regulation Disorder. All or nothing. I’ll either sleep all day or not at all. Either exercise obsessively or completely stop. Either eat everything or forget to eat for hours. Work until burnout or procrastinate until the deadline breathes down my neck. Hyperfixate on hobbies for weeks, then suddenly drop them forever. Rarely a healthy middle ground.
How ADHD Shapes My Life
Executive dysfunction: Even simple tasks feel like climbing mountains.
Time blindness: Something takes 5 minutes or 2 hours — I can’t tell. Half the day disappears. If I have a meeting at 2pm, I can’t do anything before it. Half the day wasted.
Working memory issues: My brain is a browser with 200 tabs open, half crashing. I walk into rooms and forget why.
Emotional dysregulation: Emotions hit like storms. A tiny setback feels like the end of the world. Funny enough, stimulants make me calmer — they stimulate my underworking prefrontal cortex.
Rejection sensitivity: Tiny rejections hit like sledgehammers. I replay moments for days, spiralling into shame.
Hyperfocus: The double-edged sword. When it kicks in, I unlock superpowers. I can code for hours, even days. Everything else disappears: meals, sleep, texts. I once spent an entire weekend rebuilding software without leaving my chair except for water.
The Truth
Living with ADHD is complicated. Sometimes it feels like a superpower, other times a curse. But I’ve learned this: the earlier we talk about it, recognise it, stop shaming it — the better.
To anyone silently struggling: you’re not broken, you’re not lazy, you’re not a failure. Your brain just works differently.
Different is not less.