When someone tells me my phrase sounds wise, I pause. Am I justifying behaviour I don’t actually support or understand?

The Rationalization Trap

Our brains are incredible rationalization machines. When confronted with troubling behaviour, we instinctively construct explanations that make us feel better. We wrap incomprehension in wise-sounding language.

Someone does something harmful. We say: “Maybe they’re protecting themselves from vulnerability.” People nod. “That’s so wise.”

But wisdom shouldn’t be a consolation prize for confusion.

Real Wisdom vs. Pseudo-Wisdom

Pseudo-wisdom sounds reassuring. It offers comfortable narratives that make everyone feel better. Real wisdom acknowledges discomfort.

It refuses to rationalize harm. It maintains boundaries even when we understand someone’s pain. It distinguishes between explanation and justification.

The Cost of Comfortable Explanations

When we create wise-sounding explanations for troubling behaviour, we often enable harmful patterns, avoid necessary boundaries, and prevent real change by making dysfunction seem acceptable.

Consider a toxic colleague who consistently undermines teammates. Pseudo-wisdom says “They’re probably insecure.” Real wisdom says “This behaviour causes harm and needs to stop.”

The Courage to Sound Less Wise

True wisdom sometimes means abandoning the need to sound wise.

Sometimes the wisest thing you can say is: “I don’t understand this, and I’m not okay with it.”

This isn’t a failure of empathy — it’s honest acknowledgment that some behaviours genuinely don’t make sense, and that’s information worth preserving.

The next time someone tells you that you sound wise, consider whether you’ve actually gained insight or just made everyone more comfortable with an uncomfortable truth.